I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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