She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
