only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
