Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
