I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
