Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
