He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
