Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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