I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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