Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
