best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
