i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
