How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
