The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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