i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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