It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
