You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
