cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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