singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
