i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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