Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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