you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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