what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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