Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
