I didn't shave. On purpose
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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