chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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