guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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