my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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