Just fell off a train. Bad.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
