Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
