I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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