Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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