Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
