somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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