He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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