i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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