Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
