just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
