Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
