literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
