Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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