I'm so fucking centered right now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
