bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
