i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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