look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
