dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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