I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
