I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
