i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
