12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
