I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
