i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
